How to set boundaries for yourself?

In a world that constantly demands our time, energy, and attention, learning to set personal boundaries is no longer optional—it’s essential. Boundaries help us define what we’re comfortable with and how we want to be treated, allowing us to protect our emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Yet, many of us struggle to say “no,” speak up when we feel overwhelmed, or carve out space just for ourselves. A 2022 report by Mental Health America found that 71% of people experience symptoms of stress or burnout due to poor boundaries at work and in relationships (MHA, 2022).

The good news? Boundaries are not about cutting people off or being inflexible—they’re about respecting yourself enough to protect your needs. In this guide, we’ll walk you through why boundaries matter, how to set them, and the powerful mental and emotional benefits that come with learning to say “no” with confidence.

“When I was younger, I did not know anything about setting boundaries. And to be honest, I was raised to help others, be a good person, and take care of and serve others. No one told me that I should help myself, be good to myself, and take care of myself, too. So setting boundaries was quite difficult for me, and when I did it, I used to feel guilty for saying “no.” - Caitlin

🛑Let’s see why you need boundaries, and for yourself, for that matter.

It’s absolutely vital that before you set boundaries with other people, you need to set them with yourself first. Think about the times you’ve said “yes” when you wanted to say “no,” stayed up late working when your body needed rest, or put someone else’s needs ahead of your own time and time again. Or went to a family dinner when you really just wanted and needed to rest at home.

Or said to all the responsibilities at home, while other family members would just lie on a couch and relax. Or said yes to a dinner with friends, while you knew that you didn’t have enough money for that, and this meant that your phone bill would be paid the next month.

When you don’t have boundaries, you can begin to feel depleted, disrespected, and even resentful. That’s because boundaries are not about keeping people out—they’re about creating a safe zone that lets the right things in.

Healthy boundaries are a form of emotional hygiene—they protect your peace, clarify your values, and give you space to thrive.

🧠How to set boundaries for yourself?

First, what are your needs and values?

Begin by identifying what matters to you. Ask yourself:

• What do I need to feel good in my life, to feel well and lighter, emotionally and mentally?

• What makes me feel stressed or drained?

• What do I value most in life, and more directly in my relationships, work, and personal life?
  
  

Understanding your needs and values helps you know where to draw the line.

Start as early as possible

Boundaries are easiest to maintain when they're established early. Whether it’s a new job, friendship, or relationship, set expectations from the beginning. This builds mutual respect and prevents misunderstandings later.

Boundary violation has consequences

Let’s be honest, a boundary without a possible consequence is just a suggestion. If someone continuously disrespects your boundaries, talk to them calmly and communicate about the consequences. Well, maybe if they don’t listen, then it’s better to just show them. If they keep violating your boundaries, limit how much time you spend with them.

For example, if work messages come through on weekends, wait until Monday to respond. Or if you have a friend who almost every time criticizes you, why do you spend time with them? You can find new friends or be on your own for a while - it’s better than letting someone talk down to you all the time.

Consistency builds credibility—you train people how to treat you.

“For example, there we some people who would love to lend money from me, and I said yes, all the time. But when I needed my money back, all I heard were some weird excuses, punchy catch phrases, and no money. Well, yes, eventually I got my money back. But the next time I lend money, I did something different - I gave a deadline for that person, and a promise for me - if they don’t pay back in time, well then I won’t lend to them anymore. There was someone who missed the deadline, and I said to them that I won’t lend to them anymore, and there’s no point in asking the next time. That’s a no from me. And I felt so good, and I still do because I already know what to answer if they come back with the idea to lend some money from me.” - Caitlin

Start with small steps

If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, begin with something small—like going to bed 30 minutes earlier, saying “no” to a low-priority request, or taking a tech-free lunch break. Small victories build confidence and momentum.

Be as clear and direct as possible

Don’t assume people will pick up on your discomfort or unspoken cues. Be kind, but clear. Saying “I need some alone time tonight” is more effective than making excuses or dropping hints that other people may not understand. Let’s be honest, most of us are very involved with our own lives, we don’t pay too much attention to others, even if it’s our friend or a partner. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, absolutely not, but this is how most of us are.

Use words like “boundary,” “limit,” or “structure” if necessary, so people understand you mean business.

Don’t forget why you are doing this

When guilt or self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself of your “why.” Are you doing this to protect your energy? Reduce stress? Build healthier relationships? When you stay grounded in your reasons, it becomes easier to stay firm.

“I do feel like setting boundaries was one of the best decisions in life that I made. Truly. I don’t let anyone talk down to me, whether it’s a friend or a family member. Also, it’s important to set boundaries at home; we can’t expect that both partners go to work every day, and only one of them does all the work at home, too. That’s not okay. The word “partners” means that both are involved in doing things at home, cooking, cleaning, taking care of pets or children, and making a shopping list. That’s not fair, and if you are in a situation like this, know that you have let go this far. I did it too, and learned from my mistakes. I don’t carry the weight of work, home, and pets anymore, at least not alone.” - Caitlin

You have a lot of rights, including the right to have boundaries – believe in that

Many people struggle with boundaries because they don’t feel entitled to them. If that’s you, it may be time to challenge some internal beliefs. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to choose what’s best for you and your well-being, even if this may sound selfish sometimes. But remember, it’s not. You don’t need to explain or apologize for needing time to yourself or taking time to boost your overall well-being..

Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re an act of self-respect. And if you don’t respect yourself, well, then no one else will too. All the good things and bad things start from within.

🤝Setting boundaries for yourself: emotional, mental, and psychological benefits

When you set and maintain healthy boundaries, the benefits can be profound:

• Less stress and anxiety – Your stress level and anxiety decrease because you feel more in control of your life, time, and emotions.

• Stronger self-esteem – Knowing your worth makes it easier to protect your needs.

• Healthier relationships – Mutual respect and open communication improve interactions.

• Increased self-awareness – Getting to know your boundaries and possible boundary violations will lead to learning more about yourself and how you can help yourself.

• Increased energy – When you’re not overextending, you can give more where it really matters.

• Freedom from codependency – You’ll no longer feel responsible for others’ emotions or happiness.
  

❤️How to set boundaries for yourself: the best tips

Here are some top strategies to help make boundary-setting easier and more natural:

• Practice saying “no” without guilt
  Try something like “I don’t have time today,” or “That’s not good for me,” or “No, I can’t work in this today.”
  

• Give yourself a “permission slip” if you need to, and always
  Write yourself a note that says, “I give myself permission to protect my energy.”
  

• Minimize people-pleasing
  Prioritize your own well-being before trying to keep everyone else happy.
  

• Respect your own boundaries first
  If you don’t take your limits seriously, others won’t either.
  

• Recognize manipulative reactions
  Guilt-tripping, withdrawal, or pressure from others may signal that a boundary is working. Hold steady.
  
  

💼Some helpful tools to help you set boundaries

• Journaling Prompts

  • What drains my energy the most during the week?

  • Where am I saying yes when I want to say no - use your gut feeling, you already know the answer to this one.

  • How do I feel after spending time with certain people - this means family, friends, and unwanted co-workers.
    

• Daily Check-In
  Ask: “Am I honoring my boundaries today?” Use this as a self-reflection habit.
  

• Scripts & Responses Practice
  Rehearse boundary-setting phrases so they feel more natural when you need them.
  

• Boundary Tracker
  Create a chart with these columns: Boundary Set, Date, Response, Follow-up Needed. This helps you stay accountable and reflect on progress.
  

“I have also added a whole chapter about setting boundaries in our Self-Love Workbook. There are exercises about how to do it, and finding out your boundaries and possible violations as well.” - Caitlin

Remember: Boundaries are not about being rigid or cold, and this does not mean that you are a bitter old lady. They are about creating space where you can show up fully, freely, and authentically. When you respect your own limits, you invite others to do the same—and that’s when the most meaningful connections begin.

Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful forms of self-love and self-care, and one of the most misunderstood and unappreciated. Many people associate boundaries with being selfish, rude, or harsh. In reality, healthy boundaries are about respecting yourself, managing your energy, and creating space for healthy relationships.

💡Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Respect

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls, and crawling under your blanket and not caring about others—it’s about creating space for what truly matters to you. Whether you're protecting your time, energy, or emotional health, boundaries are a critical form of self-respect and a foundation for stronger, healthier relationships. Remember: it’s okay to say no, to rest, to step back, and to ask for what you need. The more you honor your boundaries, the more empowered, grounded, and connected you’ll feel—not just with others, but with yourself.

With Love,
Caitlin & Gerly,
Soul Sisters Tarot